Boosting your self-confidence begins with first realizing that there is absolutely nothing you have to improve on when it comes to yourself.
There is nowhere to be, no goal to achieve, nothing you have to do or change about yourself.
To be more confident, to be more of who you are – your authentic self – start by knowing that it’s okay to be all of who you are with all your strengths and vulnerabilities. It’s less about accepting yourself (which still holds an air of judgement), and more about allowing who you are to “be” : to know it’s okay to embrace your human-ness that is both magnificent and flawed.
It’s okay to be vulnerable, and for others to see our vulnerabilities. Paradoxically showing our vulnerabilities and being comfortable with them, opens the door to greater self-confidence. It also allows others to be their “imperfect” selves around you, to be real – which will give them permission to be confident. To allow this unfolding takes strength and courage.
Vulnerability does not equal failure.
Watch your self-talk
If there is anything you have to “do” to be more self-confident, it is that you need to face the “curse of perfectionism” head on, that inner critic. It matters not whether the mind is calm or busy, what matters is the awareness of the state of our mind.
Notice the thoughts you have of yourself: when you compare yourself to another person or put yourself down, be positive and say things like you’re doing great, and join now you could win, to stay on track..
Sometimes we’re not aware of our thoughts and we may not be aware of the narrative and conditioning related to them. Thinking like “I’m not worthy”, or “I’m beyond repair” or “useless”. Are these true?
When it comes to the thoughts, we have of ourselves, we need to hold these aspects of ourselves with the utmost kindness and compassion, saying “not now” or ‘later”, creating a boundary and focusing on states of mind that nurture us.
Be your own best friend
More importantly, we need to be kind and compassionate towards ourselves especially when we are feeling fear and anxiety.
There’s a story that explains how Thai monks were told to meditate in the jungle at night. They complained to their master that they were afraid of the Tigers, and their master recommended they offer themselves Metta as a form of protection.
Metta quite roughly translates as “unconditional love”. Offering ourselves unconditional love is key to building our confidence in the world.
One way we can offer ourselves metta, is to root ourselves in a mantra.
A popular mantra may look something like this:
“May I be well and at ease.”
When we allow our emotions to arise, the question changes from “What should I do?” to “How should I be?”. Once we know how to “be” we can acknowledge things as they are and the actions we need to take.