To love a schizoid
1-ATTACHED TO A SCHIZOID
At some point you are surprised and alarmed by your partner’s odd behavioural traits.
He is cold towards you, he does not need you, it seems you only have a sexual relationship.
You feel neither needed, nor loved, and are deeply frustrated by his lack of affection.
He has no friends, does not socialise, and doesn’t go out over weekends.
As a result, you have no social life, and you feel isolated.
People overwhelm him, and even you overwhelm him.
You investigate further, and discover that he has schizoid traits,
or that he has already been diagnosed as a schizoid.
2- YOU BREAK IT OFF
You feel that he is incapable of fulfilling your partnership needs, and you decide to leave the relationship.
3-YOU STAY WITH HIM
If you decide to stay with him, these guidelines may help you:
---The schizoid man may feel uncomfortable or anxious in the company of women.
If he feels this way with you, you will not be able to develop a steady, stable relationship.
---He needs solitude. You should respect his need for solitude.
---He may spend time with you, he may be supportive, and he may talk to you,
but he shows little pleasure in these activities, and will show you little affection.
---The effort to sustain the relationship will always be unequal…He will do little to make it succeed,
while you put your entire heart into it.
---Remember he cannot be affectionate, nor share his intimate thoughts with you.
---The foundation of his personality is schizoid, and this will never change.
---At some point, though, he will also have to compromise.
If he does not, the relationship has no future.
---The schizoid balances his solitary life with very few social outings. Thus, your social life
together will be limited.
---It will be difficult to have a life together. Sometimes he will insist on solitude.
At those times you may feel alone and frustrated.
So, in addition to your relationship with him, you must have another life,
your own, personal life with a fulfilling career, friends, hobbies, projects…
---The only solution for a future with him is to accept him as he is,
and adapt your expectations according to his limitations.
---Before joining your life with his,
decide whether the lack of social life and the minimal love, consideration and affection he shows you
are sufficient and acceptable to you.
---Do not try to change him. This is a futile attempt since his schizoid traits are inherent.
---At some point you may suggest he sees a psychologist. He may accept or refuse.
But you must not insist.
---A schizoid can improve by following an Adaptive Method (see our Treatment)
4-WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH
Robin Norwood, in his book “Women Who Love Too Much”, describes
a type of woman who engages in inappropriate relationships.
These are women from dysfunctional homes (1)
They are bored by polite men who respect and care for them
and, instead, are attracted to needy men with problems.
These women establish unfortunate relationships that generally end in failure.
They find unstable men exciting,
they find their unpredictable behaviour, romantic,
their immaturity, charming,
their moodiness, mysterious,
their anger, misunderstood,
their misfortune, needing consolation…
In addition, the list describes the type of man who is unavailable, emotionally cold, and unaffectionate…
The warning to women in these relationships – as it is in a relationship with a schizoid –
is not to try and “save” the needy person,
but rather to develop a healthy relationship with someone else who is capable of fulfilling her need for appreciation and affection.
She must not confuse love with emotional pain – as she did in her childhood –
where the relationship with one or both of her parents was a source of emotional pain.
(1) DYSFUNCTIONAL HOMES are those homes where one or both parents abuse alcohol or drugs,
or are involved in any kind of compulsive or addictive behaviour,
or maintain an inappropriate sexual, or abusive relationship with the child.
Page reviewed in April 2012 Copyright ©